I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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