Welp...herpes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
