my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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