at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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