Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
only you would photoshop your dick
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
