Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
