I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
