Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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