Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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