arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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