I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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