well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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