if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
