Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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