margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no you cant smoke seaweed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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