I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
