Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
