Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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