I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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