cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
