dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
