I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
