omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
