Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
