she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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