okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
