Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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