i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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