What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
