she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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