note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
