I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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