Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
