I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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