I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
