Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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