thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
