If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
