I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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