I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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