just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
