i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
