Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
