An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
