Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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