haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i drank out of a bidet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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