Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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