I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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