please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My vagina just clenched in fear
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
