i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
