Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
