i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
