we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
