Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
