Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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