just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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