My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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