so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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