How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
