So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if only i could text you this smell
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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