Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
