I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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