I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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