Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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