My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
