There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize