I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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