I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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