Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
