Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
