I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
