There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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