last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
