I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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