I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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