Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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