At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
