4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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