Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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