make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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